Slime Slinging

The following was posted to the Mastiff List by Linda Monroe to give us some helpful hints for recycling our most precious and abundant commodity - Mastiff slime!

1. Use as a facial. Smear wet clean drool over your face, lay down and let dry. Peel off mask and have a younger, fresher face. Really tightens the pores.
2. Slime can be substituted for Elmers glue.
3. For temporary grease jobs, say a sticky door, etc.
4. Stain remover. Rub slime into stain and let dry. Brush off with toothbrush.
5. Texture walls and ceilings. Save slime up in an airtight jar until you have enough for your project. Scoop out and sponge on walls. Let dry and paint with your favorite color.
6. For the punk rock look, comb slime through hair, style quickly and let dry.
7. Slime can also be used to repair runs in stockings, patch a crack in an egg and other small jobs requiring a clear dry patch.
8. Art Deco. Use slime to paste photos on a plate or ceramic dish. Let dry and cover with a thin coat of clear slime to seal.
9. Slime can be mixed with other ingredients to make a colorful or interesting texture. Try things such as dog food, dirty socks, chair legs, crayons, sticks and firewood, assorted footwear, lipstick, magazines and books, newspapers, furniture coverings, sheetrock, etc.
10. Slime mixed with rawhide bones makes the best gooey clay for modeling. Just mix with a little flour and water to make Christmas ornaments, doorstops, figurines, etc. Then coat with a layer of texturized slime for variation. Or, make realistic cookies for your office pals as a gag. Don't forget the sugar sprinkles.
11. Coat your doorstep with slime when expecting visitors. Guaranteed to be a lot of laughs (or a lawsuit).
12. Teach your dog to slime on command. Use a hand signal if possible. Have the dog perform his trick while the mother-in-law is visiting. Guaranteed to reduce the number of visits.
13. For you smokers out there, take a small wad of clear slime with you when visiting the doctor. Show it to him when he asks you to cough. (Be sure not to let him see what you really coughed up).
14. Mix slime with shredded newspapers for making paper mache items. Let dry. Makes a great piņata filled with dog goodies for ripping open at doggy birthday parties.
15. Slime is especially fun at Halloween. You can make masks, coat the kids, doorway, etc., for that "Creature from the Black Lagoon" look. Then there's "The Blob," "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and hundreds of other slimy movies to choose from. The list is endless.
16. Ant bait. Mix slime with karo syrup. Set out in jar lids where ants are a problem. The ants eat the mixture and the slime hardens inside the ant, killing it. Non toxic to mammals.

Remember: slime is an anagram for SMILE!!!

On the same subject matter, the following poem was submitted by Edna & David Morris. This was written in response to a question/comment on the internet Mastiff List as follows:

"We were pretty much set on getting a Mastiff and then we saw "Turner and Hooch." Having seen the slobber scenes we have become afraid of drowning!

1. We understand it was a Dogue de Bordeaux and not a Mastiff, and it was a movie, but can we expect drools and slobbers like those displayed in the movie?
2. We expect sloppiness at feeding time but the idea of slobber being slung about the room is a little daunting to say the least."

Slobber on the ceiling,
slobber on the floor.
Slobber on the walls
and slobber on the door.

Slobber on your blue jeans,
slobber on your shirt.
Slobber when they come inside,
slobber mixed with DIRT!

Slobber when they're eating,
slobber when they drink.
Slobber on the stove
and slobber on the sink.

Slobber is to Mastiffs
what cooing is to doves.
And when it's cold in winter
you'll have slobber on your gloves!

Nah - they don't just slobber. With them it's an art form.

David Morris

(Next issue will feature the rules for a slobber contest and a Tall Texas Tale).