Slime Slinging

The following was posted to the Mastiff List by Linda Monroe to give us some ideas for our next Mastiff get together.

SLOBBER CONTEST

Rules & Regulations

(Since we all know what slobber is, while we are waiting for science to find a useful and profitable purpose for it, how about a contest to determine the best producers).

1. Slobber must be generated by a dog. Slobber must be attached to the dog which generated it.
2. Slobber must be measured while attached to a dog and must be attached by one end only with the other end able to swing freely.
3. Slobber will be measured from the point of attachment to the free-swinging end.
4. Slobber must be measured by one of the official Slobber Judges.
5. There are no limits to the ways that slobber may be generated as long as the general comfort of the dog and normal limits of decent public behavior are not compromised.
6. Slobber only will be included in the measurements ... if grass, leaves, or other debris are stuck in the slobber, and they extend beyond the end of the slobber itself, they will not be included in the measurement.
7. Debris which is attached in the slobber to the free-swinging end and which has the effect of stretching the slobber is completely legal as long as the debris itself is not included in the slobber measurement.
8. A Slobber Bonus inch will be added to the official slobber measurement if the dog's owner or officially certified agent can pinch off the slobber strong at its source and carry it, in the presence of a Slobber Judge, unbroken and in no less than its original length, a distance of no less than ten feet. Slobber pinching must be done with the bare hand.
9. Disputes will be settled by the official Slobber Judges. Decisions of the Slobber Judges are final.

Well, I think my Fila, Tank, would give all you guys a run for your money in this slobber contest. Tank slobbers so much, that they modeled the monster in Alien after him. There are times when we are worried that he will become dehydrated and we will have to give him IV fluids. He strings such strong and long slobbers that sometimes he trips over them and falls flat on his face. One time he got a slobber hung on a branch and was tied to the tree for hours until he broke free.

Another time, he got tangled up in his own drool and we had to get the vet to surgically remove it. When we run out of bailing wire, we just cut a section from Tank's drool trail and use it to mend fences. We also hang sections on posts as sticky fly traps. I feel sorry for him sometimes when the trail is so long and has gathered twigs, rocks and debris to the extent of being too heavy to drag. Tank drools so much that the people from the Natural History Museum were out here searching for giant snails.

Tank's slobber is so long, that I can use it as a clothesline in a pinch. We towed our truck once with an 8 foot piece. The other dogs are careful not to get too close otherwise they wind up being incorporated in the slobber like bugs in a spider web. The longest slobber we ever measured was 18'4". Tank had got caught on something and kept walking. We measure from where he lost his footing and was snapped back like that kid in the pizza commercial. He wasn=t hurt, though, since he landed in a pile of drool that was three feet deep already.

Yes, Linda, that is a "Tall Texas Tale"!